Sex in retirement is rarely part of the conversation when people think about life after work. Most retirement discussions focus on financial freedom, travel plans, time with family, and hobbies. Yet for many retirees, relationships, connection and intimacy remain an important part of living well. On a recent episode of the Retire Well Podcast, relationship and sex therapist, Jo Robertson, shared her insights and advice on how relationships and intimacy evolve through midlife and beyond.
Retirement may change intimacy but it doesn’t have to end it…
Challenging Common Assumptions
One of the biggest challenges is the assumptions we carry. Society often views sex and ageing through two different extremes. We either assume that intimacy simply ends at a certain age, or we believe that if couples are doing things “right”, sex should remain effortless and spontaneous. As Jo explains, neither of those views reflects reality, “the majority is somewhere in the messy middle.” That messy middle is where most long-term relationships live and many of the challenges couples experience is normal and manageable.
Adapting to Change Together
As we move through midlife and beyond, our relationships naturally evolve. Health changes, hormones shift, retirement alters daily routines, and couples often find themselves navigating unfamiliar territory. These changes can affect intimacy, but they don’t mean the end of it. Jo encourages couples to stop viewing intimacy as something that should happen automatically and instead see it as something that requires ongoing communication and adaptation. Just as retirement may require changes to spending habits, housing plans or daily routines, it may also require adjustments to how couples connect physically and emotionally.
Speaking Up and Seeking Support
Later in life, biological changes such as hormonal shifts associated with menopause can make sex uncomfortable or painful for women. Jo was particularly passionate about this topic and explained that, unfortunately, it is quite common. Often, a partner has no idea there is a problem. Rather than pushing through discomfort, Jo encourages couples to talk openly and seek support early. Painful sex may be common, but it shouldn’t be considered normal or something people must tolerate. There are a range of treatments, products and practical aids available, including lubricants, positioning aids, foam wedges and specialised sex furniture designed to improve comfort and reduce strain. Talking to a therapist such as Jo, or a healthcare professional can also help couples find solutions that work for them. The important message is that intimacy may need to adapt with age, but that doesn’t mean it has to disappear.
Making the Most of Retirement Together
The good news is that many couples find that retirement creates new opportunities for intimacy. Without the pressures of careers, commuting and raising children, there is often more time available for connection, affection and shared experiences. The key is letting go of outdated assumptions. Ageing doesn’t automatically close the door on intimacy. It simply changes the way many people experience it. Research consistently shows that strong social and emotional connections contribute significantly to wellbeing, happiness and overall life satisfaction in retirement. That makes relationship health just as important as financial health. The question isn’t whether your sex life should retire when you do. The question is whether you’re willing to keep investing in one of the most important parts of living well.